


Limerence or Redamancy?

by ZilpaEden



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complicated Relationships, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Kairi is still in Love with Sora, Multi, Sokai, Some RokuNami, kaixi, post kh3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 09:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18848560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZilpaEden/pseuds/ZilpaEden
Summary: (100 Day-Challenge) Xion is her own person now, and she wants more than anything to cherish that fact... and yet she can't help but struggle with who she is, or feels as though she is. With a well meaning Princess of Hearts visiting her often, Xion tries to come to terms with her identity.





	Limerence or Redamancy?

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to attempt the 100 day challenge, I hope you like. I know this pairing isn't common, but it occurred to me it only made sense, so I wanted to explore it. I hope you enjoy.

> 1/100
> 
> **風物詩**
> 
> _ “To recall something Nostalgic.” _

* * *

 

 

Xion liked to think of herself as an expert in shell hunting. After all, she had spent everyday along the beaches of Destiny Island sifting through the ebb and flow of the ocean for such ornaments for as long as she housed Sora’s memories. I.e the entirety of her existence. However, it never bothered her to think her existence as a whole thus far has been short; She awoke to everyday eager to live her life to the fullest. On the account of the fact her still being alive was a gift onto itself.

Beneath her pillow, in the room she had just recently received in Twilight Town—courtesy of the King himself—she hid a small notepad, it wasn’t extravagant by any means, as it were merely a slide-stitch journal with a soft leather outside. Its only distinguishing feature besides being entirely black, was the metal stars attached to each corner of the binding. It was simple, and sweet, it was all Xion needed. Afterall, it was not as though she would ever bring herself to show the journal to another… not with what she had written inside.

A bucket list.

Xion wouldn’t blame Roxas and Axel if they at some point or another forgotten, but among their days with the Organization eating sea-salt ice cream and living life like a dead-man walking mentality, they would shoot the wind with random things they would do if they had more time. What they would do if they were somebodies. She had no way of knowing if they recalled any of the things she mentioned desiring to do, she was far too embarrassed to ask either way, still little by little she checked off each event in her notebook.

It was on the pleasant morning, when the sun hid behind a thin layer of stratus clouds, and the ocean felt chilling to the touch that Xion attempted to fulfill her next goal: Find a Lightning Whelk shell! Legend has it the Whelk shell can contain a fragment of time within it, more often than not a moment when the ocean was at piece, or in great distress. In some ironic way, she found something in common with the crustacean’s abandoned abode. Ironic may have been tame…

She filtered her fingers through the salty water slowly, feeling a myriad of shells graze her fingertips—but she was experienced, and keen to recognize each shape, she ignored each in favor of the one she sought. Her white whale. Xion continued deeper into the marine, the waves lapping at her knees wildly, thank Kingdom Hearts she decided to wear a pair of shorts that morning. Along with a black tank top, she brought a pair of flip flops the same color, long forgotten at the sea-bank. She hadn’t thought she would run into anyone that morning, nor would she run into anyone until she returned home to Twilight Town where no doubt Roxas and Axel would have a new story from the countless worlds they visited.

It wasn’t as though she wasn’t invited to travel along with them, quite the opposite in fact. The King had asked if she, Roxas and Axel would be interested in revisiting the worlds the Organization had left in disarray, and if they would be willing to undo their muddle. And yet, of her own volition declined. To say it baffled her friends profusely would be an understatement, however she expressed to them she wished to experience life a little more before diving back into the fray. She requested a hundred days, she just desired a mere hundred days dedicated to existing alone. Sympathetic as always, the King agreed and wished her nothing but the best. Roxas had his reservations, as even still he hasn’t particularly on the most hospitable of terms with Riku, and would much rather had her instead of the Silver haired Key-blade Master. But he made due… that is until everyday when they’d regroup at home, he was sure to remind her and plead with her to join them. And each time she would remind him that he had leisure, and experienced the life of a normal boy in the digital twilight town, thus it was her turn. It always ended the same, with him reluctantly agreeing with a grumble before cycling back the next day.

Xion brushed off these thoughts, it was her first day in a hundred after all. She wouldn’t let her poor sport of a best friend raining on her parade. It honestly saddened her to think he would be opposed to it… well… she was sure he wasn’t opposed, per say, just excited to adventure with her. There was time for adventuring later! For now, she was determined to focus purely on finding a Lightning Whelk! And more so determined to not allow herself any distractions whatsoever! No Roxas, no Axel, no cleaning up for the Organization, and most of all not to be distracted by the lovely humming dancing through the air…

Despite herself, the raven-haired puppet’s ears perked as the lovely melody entered into her eardrums. It was and smooth and sweet as honey, yet as passionate and sorrowful as a day’s end. The song held no words, only jumbles of incoherent syllables and sounds as though the voice had no words to express its feelings with… no.  _ Her _ feelings with. Today wasn’t supposed to be dedicated the Lightning Whelk, nothing more, nothing less. And yet… and yet… and yet…

And yet she still found herself following the sound to the shore, behind rows of palm trees, upon a lone dock, a pair of legs hung down above Xion. She stepped out from under the dock to catch sight of the vocalist—not that she hadn’t already realized whom the voice belonged. The realization came just as instantly as the voice had to her.

Her vivid vermillion hair danced about her, framing her soft porcelain face. Her azure amethyst eyes watched the ocean, glazed with unshed, remorseful tears. Adorned in pure white sun dress that reached her knees, and a violet shawl draped across her shoulders, a pair of silver sandals hung idly from her toes. The Princess of Hearts, she truly lived up to her title. Nonetheless even in all her angelic glory, in the eyes of Xion she was, and always would be just Kairi. The very same Kairi she grew up beside… no… the very same Kairi  _ Sora _ grew up beside.

It mattered not how much she wanted to stay there, and perhaps drink in more of the radiant image before her, it was hardly her place to. Kairi didn’t know her… not that well at least. Ever since returning to Destiny Island from the world of waking, without Sora with her, she had been extremely reclusive. Spending most of her time alone, or at school(even then she hardly spoke to anyone). According to Axel, she said Sora was with her and then simply vanished. Master Yin Sid theorizes he was taken to a world very well outside of their jurisdiction; for the time being it remains a mystery. Riku advised everyone to give her space, or if to ever come across her be kind and sympathetic.

Xion would do just that without so much as a second thought. Afterall, she sacrificed her heart to save that very princess! No… Sora did… not her.

This wasn’t a thought she had a pleasant time coming to terms with as often as it dwelled in her mind. It also quite honestly attributed to her wishes to spend time dedicated to herself. To make a person of herself. The memories she held close to her heart, were not hers. They were Sora’s… and yet… and yet… she wanted to scratch at something, tear it to shreds, anything! Maybe even scream until her voice grew horse. And yet she never did, not matter how madden it was for her to think this:

She was Xion. She never was that spiky haired boy with Key-blade in his hands, and shell charm in his pocket. But she felt as though she was, and it was tearing her apa-

“Xion. You’re Xion, right?”

Xion blinked blankly, awareness returning back to her just as quickly as a feverish blush to her cheeks—How long had she been staring??? Turning her head away in hopes of hiding her embarrassed flush, she nodded her head reluctantly.

“I see, Axel has told me a bit about you. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” Kairi’s voice came again, Xion out of mortification could not for the life of her turn to see her however.

“No, I don’t think we have.” Xion confirmed quickly, immediately regretting how utterly offhanded she may have came across as. She was supposed to be delicate with her, for pete’s sake!!

“Just a moment, I’ll come down to you.” This was followed by the sound of creaking wood growing further away, the puppet could only panic within a moment’s pause to prepare herself. She smoothed down her hair(Why hadn’t she thought to brush it??), and flattened out the wrinkles on her shorts, all with anxious fiddling as her meeting grew nigh. It came far too soon for comfort, as she hardly had the chance to catch her breath before a familiar scent wafted through her nostrils. So incredibly nostalgic and comforting, she recognized that perfume. She could distantly recall a sleepover she had where she woke up to find her nose feet buried in her red tresses, and arms laid lazily around her waist. Naturally she was rattled at first, but eventually decided to given in and enjoy the warm sensation of Kairi in her arms—safe a sound. She of course also recalled Riku waking to find them like that and swore to blackmail her with that key event at any given time. Of course he had yet to ever make good of his threat but—

No, there she went again. That happened to Sora, not her.  _ Stupid, stupid puppet… _

“Xion, you’re Sora’s second nobody right?” Kairi asked, Xion immediately regretted meeting her gaze. It was a trap!

“Well…” Xion wanted to correct her, but thought better of it. It was far too complicated… “Basically.” She reluctantly lied, praying to Kingdom Hearts Kairi’s ability to distinguish when she Sora lied to just this once fail her. And by sheer will of luck, she seemed to buy it.

“Wow, I didn’t know that was possible. Well, I’m Kairi… though I’m sure someone has already told you that much…” Kairi said with an awkward giggle.

“Yes, Axel’s told me about you too.” Again with the lies, may Kingdom Hearts have mercy on her soul(Or lack thereof).

“Only good things I hope!” Kairi smirked, a playful wink following her words. How little she knew…

“Of course, nothing but the best for a princess.” Xion assured, grinning wide at the girl. Kairi of course returned the gesture freely.

“Oh please, I’m hardly a princess anymore. I’m just Kairi.”  _ Like that’s a bad thing. _

“Kairi it is.” The puppet chirped, a pink hue still ever present on her features. She would be ever grateful the Destiny’s Embrace wielder girl took no notice of this attribute of her. She did however take notice of her shoeless form, damp jean shorts and sweat glazed forehead.

“Are you up to something in particular?” She inquired curiously, tilting her head slightly as she spoke. The individual strands of her hair grazing her jawline. It was almost artistic— _ Answer the question, you useless puppet!! _

“Just looking for shells, my entire day is dedicated to that if you would believe it.” Xion responded surprisingly smoothly, it was natural for her to talk to Kairi… it only felt awkward when she thought about how much she didn’t belong doing so… but  _ maybe _ just for today, she’d allow herself that small indulgences.

“Oh I can, I can’t tell you how long I’ve spent looking for matching Thalassa Shells to make jewelry and charms. Pink is the rarest shade you know!” Kairi explained passionately, waving her hands animatedly. Xion nodded understandingly—Shell collecting was something she picked up on her own after all.

“No kidding, but those are my favorite.”

“Mine too!!” Kairi exclaimed, clearly pleased by that small trait they had in common. Xion hadn’t the heart to reveal the real reason were not for the color itself but by association with a charm she once…  _ damn it, no _ .

“You don’t say… do you maybe…”  _ If it’s just for today anyways… _ “Do you want to join me? I’m looking for a Lightning Whelk.”

Kairi’s eyes—for lack of better words—lit up at this offer. Stars were practically forming inside her pupils. “For real?” She grasped Xion’s hand between her own.  _ They were the same size… that would require getting used to… _

“Of course, but only if you wan-“

“I do! I do!” Kairi cut in, nodding her head so fast she almost looked like she was headbanging to a metal song. Thus, shyly Xion repositioned their hands so that she could lead her back towards the sea with her. Sure, she hadn’t needed to continue holding onto her hand, but once again as she kept reminding herself—it was  just for today!

Amongst the tide, the two girls began to sift through the water alongside one another. A warm sensation welled up in Xion’s chest as water flicked off her fingers playfully at Kairi. Immediately catching onto the decoration of war, she splashed back with more fury. Clearly experienced. Not as much so as Xion(or the experience Sora left on her). Ripping a violent wave in the Princess of Heart’s direction, Xion summoned her Key-blade to her side—magic began to instantly rush through her veins, allowing her weightless grace to platform the water surface.

Not allowing Kairi enough time to react she made quick slashes that sent hoards of water in her direction. In retaliation, Kairi summoned her own that rendered the projectile waves clouds of steam. Xion smiled impression, as well as intensely proud. Attempting to cast the same spell Xion did to ride the surface of the water a flurry of glitter burst from her blade, just as vibrantly the girl flushed completely mortified by her unfortunate failure.

Gracefully strolling over, Xion lent a gracious hand, “It’s okay, it took me awhile to master that spell too, so no-“ No, she wasn’t expecting this…  _ no Kairi, anything but tears… anything but that. _

No matter the puppet’s miserable, albeit mental pleads, tears pooled in her luminous Violet eyes, brimming over and running down her face in a messy jumble of emotions. She desperately tried to ignore them, sniff violently, and attempt the spell a second time. A third time, a fourth. All only amounting to a burst of pink mana running amuck the air. She was practically drowning in her only tears and ragged breathing. Xion felt nothing but helpless as she watched, her spell failing her and slowly descending her back down into the water.

If Sora was there, he would scoop her up in his arms, lovingly pet her head, and coo soothing nothings into her ears until she calmed down. Just as he did every time she thought of the family she lost years past, when they hadn’t even known it was at the hands of Darkness. It mattered little as with or without explanation he would still comfort her, promise he’d use his weak little wooden sword to protect her and kiss her booboos better… but Xion wasn’t Sora. She  **wasn’t** . And Kairi didn’t know her, not like how she knew her…

_ And yet… _

_ And yet… _

_ And yet… _

And yet she still scooped her up in her arms—despite their similar height and proportions--, loving pet her head, a cooed soothing nothings into her ears. Kairi could soak her shirt with tears, and even snot as much as she liked, she didn’t care much for her clothing anyway. Just for today… she would be her Sora.

Burying her face into the crook of her neck, Kairi moaned out a despairing cry. “Why can’t I just cast one simple spell?? Why can’t I just be as strong as everyone else?? It’s like none of it mattered, no matter how much training I endured I wasn’t strong enough to keep anyone safe… I couldn’t even keep him safe… I promised…. I  **promised** .”

Xion allowed her eyes to close, she drew her closer, as close as she physically could. She wished more than anything there was something she could say, anything! Anything at all to make it all better… but she knew there wasn’t… there was nothing else to be said… except maybe…

“ _ A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory... a far-off memory that's like a scattered dream... I… _ ” Xion’s words died in her throat as Kairi’s legs gave out, cursing her similar form for not being strong enough for the both of them, they sunk into the water together. “ _ I want to line the pieces up... yours and mine… _ I know that one day, no doubt about it, you’ll find him again… more than anything I know he wants to get back to you too.” She struggled to pull the widest, happiest smile she could. For Kairi’s sake, she knew she very well could.

And seemingly, it cheered her up ever so slightly. Only to vanish again without a trace to be replaced with discomfort. “I-I’m sorry, it’s not you, just,” She squirmed away from the spot her backside had been previously planted in. Digging her hand into the sand, Kairi drew forth a shell no bigger than the palm of her hand. With a pointed tip, and spikes running down its spiral, the white hue of it was lightly tinted adjoining its highest peak.  The color, as if destiny itself, was pink.

“A Lightning Whelk!” Xion proclaimed, eyes gleaming with unsaturated wonder. Kairi smiled softly at this display, gently moving Xion’s hand with her own free one, she adjusted it palm up to delicately place the Lightning Whelk safely into her grasp.

“You can have it.” Kairi said softly, a fondness glimmer in the depths of her eyes. Xion promptly recognized the gesture as a silent act of gratitude.

“Thank you, Kairi.” Xion said with a softness to rival Kairi’s. Her pesky heart chose that moment to beat rapidly in her chest, she brought the shell closer to her chest in hopes of easing it. To no evade.

A familiar ringing of bells danced through the air, Kairi’s laugh. It felt like forever since she last heard it, and an eternity since she last had the pleasure of taking in Kairi’s smile. A  _ real _ smile. “Don’t thank me, not when I’m supposed to be thanking you!” Xion narrowed her eyes at this, the more irritated by how her expression alone quickened the speed of her heart.

“You’re going to accept my thank you, whether you like it or not!” Xion scolded half-heartedly grinning from ear to ear as Kairi stubbornly shook her head.

“Nuh-uh!” Kairi protested with an equally wide smile. Xion liked her like this far better…  _ smiling, the way she should be. _

“Don’t be so spoiled, princess!” Kairi pouted at Xion’s words, and she immediately knew why. But she was far too stubborn to take her words back—not when the pounding in her chest was deafening!

“Fine! Then I’ll take the shell back!!” As soon as these words escaped her lips she lunged for the shell, but Xion was sure to keep it away from her(no matter how much she seemed to want it)—she was careful not to harm her when pushing her away. Their back and forth seemed to last an eternity, and an instant all the while. The tide had shifted into low, and the sky a gradient of marigold and burgundy. Laid across the sand, they gasped for air with wide smiles just as glued to their face as their wet clothing to their bodies. As though it were attached to her hand like a piercing, Xion grasped the shell tightly to her chest. Her heart was finally at rest…

Kairi sat up onto her elbows, she gazed down at Xion with a fond smile. So much for Xion’s heart being at rest… “Thanks for today… I… I really needed it.” She brushed aside a few crimson strands behind her ears, “If you ever need me to return the favor, you only have to ask.”

A blush warped her face, a favor she consider asking was for the girl to forget was red she must’ve appeared in that moment—surely it could rival Kairi’s hair.

“You’re welcome.” Xion blew out, her soft voice barely above the sound of the wind. Slowly rising to her feet, shaking out her sandals, and squeezing her dress and shawl of any remaining seawater, Kairi provided Xion one last wave goodbye. The raven haired girl watched her fade from view, with each step, seeing to her safe return. Once she was gone completely, she released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. No wanted to acknowledge she was holding… how could she..? It was just like how she remembered it, spending time giggling over nonsense and spewing hilarious quips.

She argued with herself it was something she had with Roxas and Axel as well. She spent far more time with them, eating sea-salt ice cream and humoring each other over various things about their life. This should be no different. But… but… but Kairi was just so fucking charming! And so beautiful, and earnest, and funny, and sweet, and clever, and determined, and creative… there were not enough words to express all Xion had to about her feelings regarding the princess…  _ her _ princess….

_ Sora’s _ princess…

Her smile faded, and her eyes closed. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she have been content with the life she had, the life she fought to keep. Why must she be so utterly and completely envious of a boy so many mourned over the absence of? It was unfair to him. She was no longer him… Even if he possessed things she too desired to have…

At least, the shell clutched between her fingers were her own. A Lightning Whelk, it was even pink! And Kairi gave it to her, not Sora. She slowly raised it to her ears, eager to see if the legend held true… even prepared to find it did not… however, instantly a soft ambience met her ears, returning a smile back to her lips. A subtle ringing of bells, similar to that of a certain blonde pixie friend from years past. But unique all the same, and worth far more to her than any other sound.

It was the sound of Kairi laughing.

And it was all hers.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, I posted this on Tumblr as well, I might on FF.net too... haven't decided yet.


End file.
